Scathed Soul

Thursday, August 15 | 0 comments



"SCATHED SOUL"

How are you today, Diane?
Want Ice Cream? Pizza? Shawarma? Or Fries?
Or do you want a hug?
Those are some of my questions to my crying soul.
Are you happy? Right now? Are you happy to be YOU?
I know I've changed a lot, after my simple wedding.
You know I could cancel that, I could actually end everything before that..
And I'm thinking, who am I now if I ended it?
Am I happier then, than I am now? Or otherwise?
You see.. I've cried many times before I slept.
I've privately posted my saddest thoughts and feelings in my FB account,
Because I have no friends I could talk to.. That I could open up to.. Why is that?
I have many friends from highschool and college, including workmates.
We have shared passwords in our FB accounts and cellphones.
Now you know why? Do you know the answer already?..
He does know if I am telling my situation to someone.
And he doesn't like it, it will just make the bad situation worse. BELIEVE ME.
Been there, done that. Same for my brother, I am not allow to have a conversation with them.
Yeah.. When I was with my family, I have curfews and limited travels with my friends.
But today, it's even worst.. I thought married life will save me from that.

Well, what are my dreams in a married life?
Happy travels, funny moments, memorable occasions.
Silly household chores, have some cute kids.
...(Silence)...
Me? Hmmm.. I have imagined of receiving such lovely long poems.
Last time I've received a lovely long poem was on my wedding day, 8 months ago.
I have dreamt of him, whispering those sweet words in my ears every morning.
"Wala kang kwentang asawa" was the last words he said to me today.
And I always hear that from YOU. From the guy I was once loved.
A typical woman loves to hear "You're very pretty" from a guy he loves.
You told me I am "Kadiri".
Woman loves when you say "You're so adorable", for your information..
You're a lucky girl if he said that. Mine just told me I'm "Malandi".
He never missed a day telling me he was so blessed to have me, before we got married.
And now, I hate to think I am the reason why he's life is miserable.
Woman loves when she knows that she's the only reason why you smile, dude.
Me? Well, I am the reason why he's angry everyday. And it sucks.
You'll just see him smile because of something else, or someone else..

I have built myself for years, I became stronger and braver.
I never cried again after my 2nd relationship.
I was happy, I was jolly, and I was self-content.
And you came, Neil.
And these healed wounds bled.
You were once a sweet guy, motivated and thoughtful.
So is the opposite of your real attitude.
You were once the light in my darkest world.
But it really never happened.

I was once said a MARTYR.
I guess this worth of mine just devoured by that.
And a scathed soul will forever remain inside me.
Because a guy like you whom I'll live forever,
Is like living in a prison for the rest of my life.

<< Older / / Newer >>

Deenerys Targaryen